Rockin Out: The Gossip's Beth Ditto

In celebration of Pride month, we asked musicians to share their coming-out stories. Read the intimate accounts in their own words.

"I always knew that something wasn't right. I never had a physical attraction to boys. " --Beth Ditto

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Rockin' Out Interview: The Gossip's Beth Ditto

Frontwoman for the Gossip, Beth Ditto -- a plus-sized lesbian with a Southern drawl and a soulful howl -- challenges the skinny white-boy indie-rock canon with riot grrrl mentality and a disco backbeat. The Arkansas-born rebel rouser takes her cues from the riot grrrls before her and, along with her bandmates, has ascended from the dirt-poor Bible Belt to magazine covers, sold-out tours, major-label record deals and coveted late-night TV appearances. The band just released their first live CD/DVD, titled 'The Gossip: Live in Liverpool.'

At what age did you begin to question your sexuality?

At five. I always knew that something wasn't right. I never had a physical attraction to boys. I can know when a boy is handsome and when they are charming. I dated a boy for three years in high school. It wasn't hard for me, but it just never felt OK. But when I was five, I remember that I was afraid of God. I was certainly afraid of going to Hell.

Was your family particularly religious?

I think every family in Arkansas is religious by association because it's just everywhere. If you just drive down the street, there are these huge billboards every mile that say, "God is watching you" -- like a generic brand or something. And you'll keep driving and a mile away there will be one that says, "Are you ready?" I mean, that stuff is so real. You can't help it -- you can't escape it. It's like advertising. That is probably the most booming business in Arkansas besides Wal-Mart.

Do you remember your first girl crush?

That's really difficult, because I think in retrospect, I was really upset about it but I didn't know why. You'll talk to a lot of gay people about it -- that feeling where you get so mad when your friends who were girls had boyfriends but not understanding why. You're like, 'Why aren't you hanging out with me now?' Well, one of my friends married my brother, and it was really upsetting for me. I was like 15 or 16 when this happened, but I was so upset and I didn't understand why. And that was [because I was gay], I think. That happened with a lot of my friends. It wasn't like I was picturing them naked in the shower, but I would get this really weird possessiveness over them. I didn't act on it. That was it. And I had a crush on our first drummer for a really long time.

Rockin' Out: Bob Mould

"[My sexuality] was an open secret. There were a couple of instances where I tried to be attracted to girls. It didn't work at all." --Bob Mould

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Rockin' Out Interview: Bob Mould

Bob Mould is the former frontman of Minneapolis punk pioneers Husker Du. After splitting with the band in 1987, Mould went on to form another influential band, Sugar, in 1992, in addition to releasing a bevy of solo albums. His contributions to independent music are nearly immeasurable, with influences extending far beyond punk, into house, hardcore and even pop. Mould recently released a new solo album, titled 'District Line.'

At what age did you begin questioning your sexuality?


Well, I never had any question about my sexuality. That was the funny part. I always sort of recognized that I was emotionally and physically attracted to other males. And, you know, there were points in my teen years where I realized that I was different from most everyone else. I think that difference between when I once, you know, once I got past puberty, most of the guys around me went past it because I think I had sort of sensed before then it might've just been more just hormonal thing or a confusing kind of thing. Once I got to the other side of what could arguably be experimentation for some people, I realized I was totally attached to the idea of being attracted to other males. That was when I started to go, "Oh, I guess I'm different than everybody else." There were a couple of instances where I tried to, you know, sort of play out a straight, not a straight existence but trying to be attracted to girls. It didn't work. It didn't work at all.

Tell me about your first significant relationship with a man.

It would've been my first partner, probably, with which I spent a long time with -- six-and-a-half years. I think I was twenty-two when we met, and, you know, that was when I learned what it meant to build a relationship -- a monogamous relationship. You know, an all-encompassed relationship -- living together, not only sharing emotions and physicality but sharing the practical matters of life.

What was your family's reaction to your sexuality? Did you discuss it with them?


I'm pretty sure my parents knew. It wasn't a conversation. Throughout my teen years, they knew what was going on. My father particularly didn't really want to talk about it much. He just wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening. Once I had a relationship going, my first partner met my family, I met his family, and then you just sort of have to deal with it. I would guess that my mother understood as much as anyone can in that generation. Again, my father was just sort of like, "They're just living together." I think that's a fairly common structure for a lot of people my age -- and even a little bit younger -- when people go home to see their parents with their partner. The partners sleep in different rooms, and everyone pretends that there's no sex going on.

Rockin' Out: Melissa Ferrick

"I came out to my parents in therapy. My mom said, 'I thought either you were gonna drop out of school or you were gay.' I was thinking, 'Which one is worse?'" --Melissa Ferrick

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Rockin' Out Interview: Melissa Ferrick

Melissa Ferrick is a singer-songwriter from Ipswich, Mass. Her frenetic guitar playing, heart-on-sleeve tunes and DIY ethos have earned the musical prodigy a devoted following. After opening for Morrissey in 1991 at the age of 21, Ferrick signed to Atlantic Records and released her first album in 1993, titled 'Massive Blur.' She's since gone on to form her own label, Right On Records, on which six of her albums have been released, and is currently working on the follow-up to 2006's 'In the Eyes of Strangers.'

What age did you begin questioning your sexuality?


Probably 14. I just felt funny inside around girls. I had boyfriends in high school and I kissed a girl for the first time when I was 16. I was doing a summer program at Berklee College of Music and there was this girl named Janie. She was from Florida and she took me into her dorm room and sang me a Janis Joplin song with only her jeans and her bra on. I was really excited about that. She had a really good voice. I thought she was amazing. And then she goes, "You know, don't you?" And I was like, "What?" And she was like, "You know that you're queer." And I was like, "No, I have a boyfriend." I kept showing her a picture of my boyfriend. And she showed me pictures of all of her friends and they were all girls. We took a walk over to the Christian Science Center, appropriately enough, and there's this pond and we were sitting in it. I kept flicking water at her. I remembered her saying, "If you do that one more time, I'm gonna kiss you." And I was like, "OK." [laughs] What's weird about it is she kissed me right there, outside, and it felt amazing. This man and woman walked by us and saw us kissing, and immediately that wonderful feeling was taken over by shame. After that I went home and was pretty ... depressed. I dismantled my bed and put it on my floor, and locked myself in my room. I kinda freaked out a little bit.

And did you talk to your family about any of this?

I told my dad that I thought I might like girls. He asked me if I wanted to talk to somebody about it and I said yes. So, I got a therapist. My parents are really liberal so this was not an issue for me and they really encouraged me to go. I came out to my parents in therapy. I just remember my mom .... you know, I was 17 when I came out. My mom was crying -- the whole family was there, my sister came, too. My mom said, "I thought it was either you were gonna drop out of school or that you were gay." I was kinda thinking, "Which one is worse?" [laughs] My mom grew up really Catholic and religion was really important to her. But she slept on it and I remember the next day my mom told me that she prayed about it, and that the response that she got in her prayer was that God wouldn't let me fall in love with a woman if it wasn't all right with him. My dad told me he totally accepted me and that he loved me. He just was really upset that was life was gonna be more difficult because I would experience more discrimination.

Who was the hardest person to come out to?

Probably my sister. I don't know why because she was a professional ballet dancer, so she was around queer people a lot, especially men. I think that has more to do with having an older sister and always wanting to kind of please her. She's three years older than me. A lot of people that I know that have older siblings, it's kind of an intense relationship. We have a very intense relationship. So she was the hardest one to come out to but really, she was completely cool. My whole family just wants me to be happy. They don't care what gender that comes from. They're not holding onto the great straight hope or anything like that. It's pretty incredible.

Rockin' Out: The Judybats' Jeff Heiskell

"I come from kind of a blue collar background. I was always feeling like I desperately had to hide [my sexuality." --Jeff Heiskell

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Rockin' Out Interview: The Judybats' Jeff Heiskell

Jeff Heiskell is the former frontman for Knoxville, Tenn. group the Judybats. Signed to Sire Records in 1990, the band and its folk-inflected sonic narratives, highlighted by Heiskell's sometimes cryptic and quirky but always poetic lyrics, earned the Judybats a bevy of critical accolades throughout the first part of the decade. Still, the band split in 1995 but reformed shortly after in 1999, before releasing its last album, 'Judybats '00.' Heiskell -- a self-described "existential gay redneck" -- has since gone solo, releasing his debut album, 'Songs for an Aneurism,' in 2006. He's currently working on the follow-up, expected for release later this year.

At what age did you begin questioning your sexuality?


As far as an attraction to the same sex, I can remember that as early as six.

Do you remember the object of your affection?


It was this big, tall guy, probably in his forties. Not really a good-looking guy -- not traditionally speaking. He was just always around -- he was the mail carrier -- and always talked to my dad. Even at six, I realized that there's something going on. I looked at him and I felt a little bit embarrassed. It was something I couldn't really talk about, something that made me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

At what age did you begin to understand these feelings?

Probably either by the time I was 13 or 14. That was a very tough time. I come from kind of a blue-collar background. That's really what I'm like, doing my concrete work. A lot of the things I like to do I don't think are traditionally gay things. We went from living in a really nice neighborhood in Chattanooga, across the street from the mayor, to moving down to this trailer on the same road. My dad was saying that we were supposed to get our asses down there and start building a nursery. And in the late '70s and in a rural area, it's just one big old monster truck after the other. Realizing that at the same time, being in that type of environment ... it's all about context. I was always feeling like I desperately had to hide [my sexuality]. That was very tough.

When did you come out to your family?


When I went to college, there was someone that I was involved with and I took him home to my mom one night. I just told her that we were involved like that -- that Chip and I, we're more than friends. And she was like, "Oh." She got really quiet. The whole Southern way of things ... she just didn't talk about it. By the time I was 21, I had a disastrous relationship with this jerk. It ended very badly. I went home to tell Mom and Dad all about it, and my dad was the same way. All of it is so strange because they had to have known. You pick up on that you just don't talk about. It was there, but you just didn't talk about it.

Rockin' Out Interview: Indigo Girls' Amy Ray

Amy Ray is one-half of Grammy-winning duo the Indigo Girls. In addition to her two-decade-plus career with fellow IG Emily Saliers, the Georgia-born Ray has released two solo albums -- 2001's 'Stag' and 2005's 'Prom' -- and founded her own Daemon Records. She and Saliers are currently on tour in support of their latest album, 'Despite Our Differences.'

At what age did you start to question your sexuality?


When I was six [laughs]. No, I fell in love with a woman my senior year of high school, but we really didn't have words for it. [Gay] was something weird or perverted -- something you joked about. I just knew I was in love with this person and I would do anything to see her. We hung out all the time and wrote love letters to each other. We would hold hands in the car, and I would sneak out of my house at night to see her. I didn't even think about it -- it was pure emotion.

My mom came to me and was like, "What's going on? Are you gay?" And I was like, "I don't know what that means." My mom said, "Well, have you done anything physical with this person?" I got mad. We weren't even really kissing or anything -- totally innocent high school girlfriend crush. I didn't really come out all at once. I was with that person for a few years and we finally had sex my freshman year in college, and I was like, "Oh, this is what this means!" It was great for me, but her parents got really upset and it started falling apart.

Did her parents ever confront you?


Not really. I would come over to see her, and they wouldn't always let me. I think they might have talked to my mom but they never talked to me about it. I just kept conversation going a little bit with my mom -- not totally open, but it was sort of understood. When I had my second girlfriend -- my junior year in college -- I was definitely out with my family and friends. It was gradual -- I didn't wake up one day and say, "I'm gay and I'm coming out." My two older sisters are gay, too, and my mom and dad were very conservative. My dad had a harder time and would tell me I was perverted, and my mom would read all of my mail. I had no privacy at all.

I knew I was really out when I told my grandmother. I was about 25 or 26 and in my third relationship. It was very hard. She already knew, but I wanted to talk about it. We were very close. I told her this was the way it was going to be and this is the person I was going to be with. She was really cool about it. She was like, "If you love somebody, it's OK." She was raised in the South and very conservative on some levels, but she really knew how to evolve.

Rockin' Out Interview: Kaki King

Kaki King is a Georgia-born solo guitar virtuoso. Rolling Stone named her the first-ever female "Guitar God" earlier this year, and she recently teamed with Dave Grohl for a cut on the new Foo Fighters album. King is currently touring with the John Butler Trio in support of her latest album, '...Until We Felt Red.'

When did you begin to question your sexuality?


I had an inkling when I was about fourteen. I had crushes on boys and girls -- but definitely a lot of girls [laughs]. I didn't know any gay people [personally], and I didn't really know of any gay people in the media. Well, other than those who were made fun. I didn't have a single role model. And I was going to a pretty conservative Southern Christian high school.

Do you remember your first girl crush?


In retrospect, I had been crushing on girls for a long time. I definitely had crushes on teachers. I remember being in fifth grade and having a crush on a fourth grader. She was the cutest thing. She wore these enormous shoes! Skinny little thing wearing these Michael Jordan shoes -- f***ing adorable.

Who was the first person you came out to?

It was a very long process. I thought I might be bi. It wasn't like, "Hey, I'm out! This is great!" That didn't seem to be an option. But I do remember the funniest coming-out experience, which was to my aunt and uncle.